


The Happiest Place on Earth

by storyplease



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Disneyland, Gen, Humor, Other, Parody, death eaters doing non death eater things, euro disney
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-06-03 14:09:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6613672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storyplease/pseuds/storyplease





	The Happiest Place on Earth

**Author’s Note: So I’m going to write a story about Death Eaters doing non Death Eatery things and, as a bonus, I will use every single setting and prompt for this round. Corvus, you are certifiably evil for suggesting that I try this, but I’m up for the challenge.**

* * *

 

Settings Used: With friends, family, home, work, school, holiday, date

* * *

 

Prompts Used:

  1. **(song) 'Figure 8' by Ellie Goulding**
  2. **(word) Unpleasant**
  3. **(quote) "When you pay attention to boredom it gets unbelievably interesting." – Jon Kabat-Zinn**
  4. **(dialogue) "I really do like the pants."**
  5. **(word) Espresso**
  6. **(word) Inappropriate**
  7. **(dialogue) "If you don't eat your vegetables, you can't have any pudding."**
  8. **(quote) "People in their right minds never take pride in their talents." – Harper Lee,** ** _To Kill a Mockingbird_**
  9. **(emotion) Anger**
  10. **(word) Meadow**
  11. **(song) 'Graduation' by Vitamin C**
  12. **(class) Herbology**
  13. **(word) Tomorrow**
  14. **(word) Clock**
  15. **(dialogue) "I should warn you..."**



* * *

 

**The Happiest Place On Earth**

Severus Snape stood in an endless  **meadow** , watching the wind flattening the long grasses.  The sky was a cloudless periwinkle blue, and the sun beat down upon his back like a comforting friend. He looked to his left and then to his right, surveying the empty landscape.  

 

He looked left again.

 

“Hello Sev. This is a nice choice for our first date.”

 

Lily stood inches away from him wearing in a light cotton sundress that moved in the wind as though it had a life of its own. Her lips were pursed together, and her green eyes danced with mirth.

 

Severus felt an  **unpleasant** ache of longing in his belly. He knew it was  **inappropriate** , but he couldn’t turn away.

 

**“I really do like the pants,”** she continued, grinning suggestively.  

 

Severus looked down and realized that he was naked except for his faded gray underpants; the ones he used to wear under his robes while he was at school. His mind suddenly flashed back to that day by the lake and the expression she’d worn while he was fighting to breathe.  His cheeks went scarlet with embarrassment as he tried to choke down the sudden rising  **anger** that filled him.  Was she laughing at him? How  _ dare _ she!

 

**“I should warn you…”** Lily trailed off, looking at his expression, her eyes softening as she threw her arms around him. “I’m so sorry, Sev! I didn’t mean to Vanish your robes...it was because I needed to pass the  **Herbology** test  **tomorrow** ! If I didn’t, Sprout was going to fail me for sure!”

 

“ _ What _ ?”  Severus was confused.  Lily wasn’t making a whit of sense, and he suddenly realized that he couldn’t remember how he’d gotten to the meadow in the first place, which was a bad sign.

 

“No...you’re dead...gone…” he said flatly, wrapping his arms around her as the wind began to blow cold and hard against them both.

 

She traced a **figure-eight against his chest** and looked up at him, her eyes wide and full of unspoken affection as though she were stubbornly trying to stare at the sun itself. 

 

“I wish I could stay longer,” she said softly, “Hold on. Just remember... **come whatever, we’ll be friends forever.** ”

 

A loud noise began to fill the air and Severus craned his neck to find the source of it. When lowered his head to ask her about the sound, Lily had disappeared. The sky turned gray. Snow began falling quickly until the meadow was buried in a blanket of white.  He blinked to shake the ice crystals that were forming on his eyelashes, telling himself that he wasn’t crying; that he most definitely  _ didn’t _ miss her after nearly two decades, but the lie fell apart the moment that he thought it.

 

The ringing was becoming painful and he realized that it wasn’t coming from the dream.  The snow was now so falling so thickly that it was nearly a blizzard. 

 

_ It’s just a dream. _

 

He closed his eyes, emptied out his mind, and fell into darkness.

* * *

 

When he opened his eyes again, the alarm  **clock** on the table next to his bed was ringing incessantly. He immediately sat bolt upright and jumped out of bed, grabbing for his teaching robes.  When his hand caught nothing but air, he blinked in confusion before realizing that he was not at Hogwarts at all.

 

Hitting the snooze button on the alarm, Severus turned on the radio to his favorite station and trudged to the bathroom for his morning rituals.  

 

“—morning, everyone! It’s a beautiful Monday morning in July!” a chipper radio host shouted from the wireless. “Are you ready for today’s inspirational quote because I know that I am! Today’s quote is by Harper Lee, famous author of  _ To Kill a Mockingbird _ :  **‘People in their right minds never take pride in their talents.’** Hah! I know that sometimes I feel like I’m the only sane one out there, especially on a Monday. Isn’t that right, listeners?”

 

Severus made a noncommittal noise from the bathroom as he listened to the radio host natter on. He often felt lonely as the only occupant of the gloomy house on Spinner’s End, but he found that it was much more manageable when he kept the radio on.  It was like company without the stress of having to interact with anyone, and it suited him quite well indeed.

 

“Speaking of taking pride in one’s talents, I’m going to call our studio intern of the month, Sheila Daniels, up to the microphone to help me with the sweepstakes!” The radio announcer was going all out, using a plethora of annoying sound effects as he introduced the contest.  

 

Severus nearly turned the radio off altogether, but decided to wait until he was finished washing his face and brushing his hair to do so.

 

“Hello everybody!” Sheila had a very young, chipper voice, and Severus could nearly imagine her waving excitedly. “Today I’m going to draw the names for Euro-Disney tickets!  One lucky winner and their closest friends will be given the chance to have an all-expenses paid trip to the happiest place on Earth!”

 

Severus snorted derisively at this, as he doubted such a place could actually exist.

 

“Drumroll please!” The radio host was playing a particularly loud drum sound-effect that made Severus grimace.

 

“And–the winner is:  Severus Snape!” Sheila squealed happily, “Congratulations, Mr. Snape! You are our big winner!”

 

“Come down to our station by twelve o'clock to pick up your tickets, Mr. Snape!” the announcer crowed, “You know, Sheila, it sounds like someone with a name like ‘Severus’ could probably do with a bit of happiness, don’t you think?”

 

“Well, you know, I think we all need a bit of happiness, to be honest! Especially on a Monday!” Sheila laughed loudly, and the station cut over to an advertisement about dishwasher soap.

 

Severus stood at the bathroom sink, his hands gripping either side of it so tightly that his knuckles were drained of blood.

 

His Mark had begun to burn just as the announcement had been made, and he gritted his teeth as he dragged himself to the closet to grab his clothing.

 

It was not yet nine o’clock in the morning, and already, he could tell that the day was a total mess.

* * *

 

Ten minutes later, Severus appeared at the front gates of Malfoy Manor. He was still in the process of buttoning his jacket. Buttons were nearly impossible to manage when he was in the middle of being summoned, so he waited until he arrived wherever Voldemort had called him and then finished dressing as quickly as possible. Luckily, this didn’t happen often, as he normally slept in his clothing at Hogwarts, but he’d become complacent during the summer, since there wasn’t as much activity.

 

“The Dark Lord wishes to see you immediately,” Lucius Malfoy said solemnly, as he opened the front door to the Manor.

 

Severus nodded and strode as purposefully as he could towards the drawing room, where Voldemort himself awaited his presence.

 

“Ah, yes, Severus, good morning,” Voldemort said, standing up from the chair near the roaring fire, “Have you eaten? The house elves made a rather lovely fry-up this morning.”

  
Severus bowed and nodded, not wanting to ignore his Master’s hospitality.  A delicious plate of food appeared before him as he sat down at the long table, and Severus began to eat as Voldemort leaned forward from the end of the table, seemingly waiting for Severus to say something.

 

“My Lord? Is there something that I can do to better serve you?” Severus said, washing down a bite of grilled tomato with pumpkin juice.

 

Voldemort looked away, and then looked back, his red eyes seemingly uncertain.

 

“Well, you see…” Voldemort trailed off, leaning forward and lowering his voice until he was nearly whispering, “I put your name in that drawing. You know, the one for that Disney place?”

 

Severus froze with his fork halfway to his mouth. “My Lord?”

 

“I just figured that we all need a little break, what with Harry Potter hiding off in some Secret-kept place, and what better way to take a trip than on the backs of Muggles?”

 

“I suppose you were able to ensure that we won the raffle, then?” Severus commented dryly, trying to sound less impressed than he actually felt.

 

“It’s only been our top priority for the past couple of weeks!” Voldemort sat back, obviously very impressed with himself.

 

“Shall I go up to the station immediately?” Snape motioned to stand but Voldemort waved his hand and shook his head.

 

“No, no, you have plenty of time to get there,” Voldemort drawled, “but do remember, you’ll want to get a head count of everyone here at headquarters before you leave so that you can get the right number of tickets.”

 

Severus nodded and ate the rest of the food on his plate.  Oddly enough, even though being in Voldemort’s presence usually drastically reduced his appetite, the fact that Voldemort was in a highly unusual good mood was enough to encourage Severus to pack away as much food as he could for the day ahead. After all, it wouldn’t do to engage in a thoroughly non violent mission on an empty stomach. When he was done, he thanked the Dark Lord for the meal and pulled out a length of parchment to write down the names of the other Death Eaters who would be coming on the trip.  He knew most of them by name, but Severus was nothing if not thorough. He double-checked the list with Lucius when he was done.

 

Draco was livid when he heard the news.

 

“I wanna be a Death Eater!” he whined, shaking his fist at Severus.

 

“It’s that exact attitude that demonstrates why you are most definitely  _ not _ up to what the Dark Lord requires of us,” Lucius replied nastily.

 

“It’ll be boring if I have to be stuck here all by myself with Mum!” Draco continued, looking like he was about to throw himself on the ground and have a spectacularly immature tantrum.

 

“Let me give you some advice, Draco,” Severus drawled, “Jon Kabat-Zinn once said that ‘when you pay attention to boredom it gets unbelievably interesting.’ Therefore, I would suggest that, instead of whining, you actually apply yourself this summer. You might find that things aren’t as boring as you thought."

 

As if on cue, Narcissa appeared from out of nowhere and grabbed Draco by the ear.

 

“Who said that you could leave the kitchen, Draco?” Narcissa asked coldly, “You embarrassed me by refusing to finish your breakfast in front of the Dark Lord!  **If you don't eat your vegetables, you can't have any pudding** ."

 

“I don’t care!” Draco stuck his tongue out.

 

“I  _ wasn’t _ finished!” Narcissa snarled. “If you won’t eat them, you won’t get any pudding for a  _ month _ .”

 

Draco paled and allowed himself to be pulled back into the kitchens by his mother, leaving Lucius and Severus in relative peace.

 

“I guess I’ll see you soon, then, old friend,” Lucius said, patting Severus affably on the back.

 

“If you’re doing that just to ensure that you will be one of the lucky recipients of a ticket, don’t bother,” Severus replied tersely, “for the Dark Lord has ensured that all of his Death Eaters will be allowed to go.”

 

Lucius sighed with relief. “I know I can be a cold bastard, but pretending to be your bosom buddy is a bit draining.  Let’s just stick to our usual sort of friendship.”

 

“Agreed,” Severus replied, beating a quick retreat.

 

Voldemort didn’t care that the tickets didn’t include airfare, as he simply had someone pull some strings to get a Portkey to a little French village nearby the morning of July fourth. Though it wasn’t a holiday in France, it was in the US, so Severus was eminently glad that he had checked to make sure that the park would be open, just in case.  They arrived at the gates of Euro Disney early in the morning, their clothing trending towards blacks and grays, but at least, Severus noted, they looked normal enough to blend in with a crowd.

 

Normally, Severus wasn’t one for coffee, but it was early, so he grabbed a canned  **espresso** from the vending machine as they waited for the amusement park to open. It wasn’t the worst thing he’d ever tasted, but it wasn’t all that good, either.  He resolved to buy a more professionally-prepared drink once they got inside of the park.

 

Soon, the ticket booths opened and they were admitted.  Bellatrix spun in wide circles cackling about how fun it would be to destroy the rides.

 

“No, no, no!” Voldemort scolded, hitting Bellatrix on the head with a park map. “Today, we relax and have some fun! Think of it as a company retreat!  You may observe the Muggles, but do not engage.  No using a wand, either, unless it’s an emergency!  I would like to see you all back here by the carousel by one o’clock for lunch, but other than that, have fun!”

 

Bellatrix hovered around Voldemort for awhile, but he waved her away, preferring to stand by Severus, who tried not to pay attention to the murderous look that Bellatrix was giving him.

 

“Do you think they liked my speech?” Voldemort whispered, obviously fretting about his elocution skills.

 

“You were as erudite as always, my Lord,” Severus reassured.

 

“I know, but sometimes I wonder.” Voldemort glanced over at Avery and Mulciber, who were arguing over a pony on the carousel and growled, “Take turns, you two!”

 

The two Death Eaters looked profoundly ashamed and chose other horses just as the ride began.

 

Voldemort watched the ponies go around and around as Lucius looked through the map of the park.

 

“This one looks interesting,” Lucius remarked, pointing at one of the rides. “It even says that they’ll take a picture! Let’s go as a group!”

 

Severus looked at the ride dubiously, but followed along, trying to ignore Bellatrix, who was now whispering conspiratorially to Fenrir Greyback.  Interestingly enough, Fenrir seemed rather subdued, but it was likely due to the fact that Voldemort had promised to hex his bits off if he even looked a child. Fenrir apparently enjoyed having bits, and so he was on his best behavior.

 

They finally reached the ride in question and Voldemort was immediately interested. 

 

“The animals are singing!” he remarked excitedly, poking an animatronic rabbit in the foot.

 

Severus tried not to imagine Voldemort and Arthur Weasley discussing the merits of robotic rodents.

 

They finally got to the front of the line and were seated together in a wooden log that had been hollowed out into seats.

 

“I hope that the water doesn’t ruin my dress!” Bellatrix complained, “It’s 100% wool, you know!”

 

Fenrir looked uneasily at the water but said nothing.

 

In the end, Voldemort sat in the front with Severus behind him.  Then came Lucius with Bella and Grayback in the far back.

 

The first leg of the ride was somewhat boring, but the animatronic creatures were somewhat amusing and Voldemort clapped his hands in amusement when he saw the big singing snake.  Then came the sudden drop and the flash of the photo being snapped as they flew down at a ninety degree angle.

 

The water didn’t really soak anyone, except for perhaps Greyback’s coattails, and Voldemort insisted on going back on the ride several more times until they had a collection of five photos from their ordeal.  Bellatrix was looking decidedly soggy by that time, and everyone agreed that it was time to do a little souvenir shopping.  Bellatrix decided on a long sweatshirt with Mickey Mouse on the front and a pair of black ears that looked oddly appropriate on her head.  The soft fleece on the inside of the sweater was so soft that she couldn’t help but rub her cheek against it.  Voldemort got himself a lovely stuffed boa constrictor, which he draped around his shoulders like a scarf.

 

“I really must see this Jungle Book movie,” Voldemort remarked excitedly, as he read the tag on the stuffed animal. “Why, did you know that Kaa can hypnotize his prey just like me?  How delightful!”

 

By the end of the day, even Bellatrix seemed to have fallen into a state of relaxed exhaustion.  Fenrir Greyback munched lazily from a bag of popcorn and wore a Donald Duck hat at a silly angle atop his head.  Rodolphus and Mulciber were sharing a bag of taffy and pretending to shoot each other with pretend ray guns from the Space Mountain gift shop. Lucius had forgone a hat out of his own sense of pride, but he had purchased silver Mickey Mouse earrings for Narcissa and a rather large plush dragon with green felt fire spouting out of its nostrils for Draco.  He licked at a double scoop of ice cream with a regal air and Severus had to admit that Lucius was capable of pulling off a stately air even when he was carrying a giant bloody dragon under one arm.

 

Severus tucked the tiny Tinkerbell doll into his jacket.  The others had made fun of him for purchasing it, but he didn’t care.  Tinkerbell was Lily’s favorite Disney character. Severus also got a couple of postcards, because he knew that the other professors would likely complain if he didn’t send one to each.  Though he didn’t really want to get anything for Dumbledore, he couldn’t pass up the extra-sour lemon drops at the sweet shop in the main square.  

 

As the sun set, the Dark Lord linked arms with Severus, who linked arms with Lucius.  Bellatrix laughed in a surprisingly sane way and linked arms with Voldemort on the other side. The other Death Eaters all fell into a long line, skipping together towards the exit like a bunch of children.  It would have been a ridiculous mental image if Severus had attempted imagining it, but in the fading light of day, it just felt right.

 

“I suppose it really is true that this is the happiest place on earth,” Severus mused.

 

“Indeed, Severus,” Voldemort replied sagely, “I do believe that, when our plans have come to fruition, that I shall like to return to this place.”

 

Though the Dark Lord’s voice was cheery, Severus could feel a cold stab of unease growing sharper with each passing moment. Still, the feeling faded somewhat as Voldemort led the group in singing a couple rounds of “It’s a Small World After All,” and by the time that Severus had finished leaving the doll at Lily’s grave and Apparated home again, he barely had time to sit back in his chair before he fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.


End file.
